#WeTwo: I was sidelined because of not socialising with my team after work

New Delhi: The seventh submission in the #WeTwo series for equal workplaces is from a young female advertising account executive who feels she was sidelined because of not socialising with her team.

Here’s her story: 

“In my second agency stint, I was assigned to a new client earlier this year. My team of six was led by a male VP. I was one of the two women in it and we were the youngest. The team regularly went out after work and invariably talked shop, sometimes with clients in tow. Sleepovers were quite common, mostly at the boss’ pad. While I put in every effort at work, I have a life and friends outside of it. I was not comfortable hitting pubs everyday with colleagues or in one of their homes drinking all evening. But staying away from it, I was missing out on work discussions. I eventually brought it up with my boss who told me that this was how it worked – and that it’s worked well for the team so far. He cited the case of the female colleague who was “cool” and committed to her work in the office and beyond. I thought about it and requested to be moved to another team. But I thought it was weird to normalise this kind of work culture.”

We asked Turmeric Consulting’s Roopa Badrinath and Population First’s AL Sharada for their take on the case.

Is this situation problematic? How?

Dr. AL Sharada: The spilling of official activities into public and private spaces is problematic for several reasons. It blurs the line between personal and professional spheres, potentially leading to the formation of cliques, favouritism, and an unequal playing field.

After-hours socialising to discuss official matters may exclude those who prefer not to participate regularly, labeling them as "spoilsports" or "uncool”. This bias could result in them being overlooked for interesting assignments, challenging projects, or other growth opportunities, negatively impacting their morale. Additionally, such dynamics are more likely to create a gender divide, as women might opt out of such socialising more often for various personal or societal reasons.

This work culture could also pressure individuals to conform to after-hours activities that might conflict with their personal values, further exacerbating the issue.

Socialising with clients – is that something to be expected from the junior-most members of the team?

Roopa Badrinath: Businesses thrive when client engagement happens at multiple levels of the hierarchy. Socialising with clients is often part of the job, especially for building and strengthening relationships. However, it becomes an irritant when it is too frequent or predominantly outside office hours. This can be particularly challenging for employees with caregiving responsibilities – whether for children, elderly family members, or even pets.

Organisations must recognise that their employees have lives outside of work. To strike abalance, client engagement can be integrated into work hours, such as over lunch or structured events, ensuring that employees feel respected and supported while meeting business needs.

Are such social groupings at work best left to organise themselves organically?

Dr. AL Sharada: While organic groupings are natural in any workplace, as people connect based on shared interests or comfort levels, issues arise when these groupings influence work dynamics, promotions, or opportunities. Such exclusionary practices could lead to high attrition rates.

Given the diversity of talent and backgrounds in organisations, it is essential to avoid exclusionary groupings to leverage the full potential of the workforce. Structured team-building activities that accommodate diverse preferences can help foster inclusivity and prevent alienation.

In case a colleague feels left out, is shifting him or her to another team the solution?  

Roopa Badrinath: In my opinion, this is the laziest solution that one can think of! Yes, it might diffuse the situation temporarily, but it does not address the deeper issue of an unhealthy and exclusionary work culture. By shifting the excluded colleague to another team, the organisation is just normalising its exclusionary practices and also sending a signal that it is not ready to address systemic issues which are very male-centric. The real solution is to address the culture of the team by having courageous conversations around the importance of having team rituals where everyone feels they can participate without any discomfort.

Have you come across any such instance in the agency world and how did you deal with it?

Roopa Badrinath: I recall an instance where a female employee expressed discomfort with a client’s increasing expectation for meetings outside of work hours. While her immediate

supervisor was sympathetic, they were concerned about potentially jeopardising the client relationship by addressing the issue directly. The Business Head stepped in and approached the client diplomatically, explaining the company’s preference for professional interactions during work hours, such as over lunch. The client appreciated the clarity and continued to engage constructively within these boundaries.

Is it healthy for people in the workplace to not have a life outside of work? 

Dr. AL Sharada: No matter how engaging or fulfilling work may be, it is equally important for individuals to invest in relationships, families, health, interests, and hobbies that nurture their well-being. A balanced life ensures mental and physical health, higher productivity, and long-term career sustainability.

When work is prioritised to the exclusion of personal life, it often results in burnout, stress, and strained relationships outside the workplace. This imbalance can adversely affect overall employee satisfaction and performance.

Also read:

#WeTwo: 'He was way senior. I was silenced. He is still there.'

#WeTwo: “These are opportunities to uphold positive culture, compassion and moral intelligence”

#WeTwo: My boss asked me if I would be comfortable sharing his room…In the second 

#WeTwo: Asking a subordinate to share a room is misuse of power dynamics

#WeTwo: Our boss was a flirt… but almost all the women seemed to play along.

#WeTwo: When with one of the women, his gaze would invariably drop to our bosom…

#WeTwo: Before I announced my pregnancy, I was recognised as a rising star

#WeTwo: I refused her unjust promotion; she complained that I had forced her into our affair

Have an experience to share? Let’s speak up together for equal workplaces. Write to: wetwo@bestmediainfo.com. Confidentiality assured. Click on the links above to learn more about #WeTwo and how it intends to empower equal workplaces.