#WeTwo: Our boss was a flirt… but almost all the women seemed to play along.

New Delhi: In a bid to create equal workplaces free of harassment, #WeTwo presents real cases from the worlds of advertising, media and marketing, with constructive expert analysis for a better way forward.

Turmeric Consulting’s CEO and Founder Roopa Badrinath (above left) and Population First’s Director Dr.AL Sharada analyse the third submission in this series: 

“It was common knowledge that our male boss was a flirt, verbally and physically. But almost all the women on our sales team seemed to play along. The few men that were there turned a blind eye while some tried to emulate the boss with little or no luck. I had just joined. It was my second job and first in broadcast media. I followed my seniors’ cue. The boss never seemed like one to cross the line until one evening at a team conference. I felt humiliated and even more so when I shared the ordeal with a colleague. She said it was to be expected when I did not object to the flirting all along. I kept a distance from then on and moved jobs. But I keep wondering if I was to blame.”

Should flirting be discouraged in the workplace? How is this enforceable?

Roopa Badrinath: When interactions move beyond light-hearted banter and make a person uncomfortable, it can move into the space of flirting. While light-hearted banter is important at workplaces to relieve stress, it can lead to discomfort and misunderstandings or even sexual harassment. Workplace relationships should be based on professionalism and mutual respect, ensuring that boundaries are maintained. Any act that causes discomfort and is unwelcome should not be tolerated or encouraged at workplaces.

Organisations can enforce the following to show their commitment to arrest behaviours which hinge on sexual harassment:

• Clear policies: Organisations should explicitly state in their Code of Conduct that behaviours including flirting that can be construed as harassment, is unacceptable.

• Training: Regular sensitisation training should be conducted to ensure employees understand the nuances of acceptable workplace behaviour.

• Accountability: Leaders have to be lighthouses and model appropriate behaviour and walk the talk, ensuring complaints are inquired into and acted upon.

• Empower: Empower employees to escalate concerns without fear of reprisal, in addition to empowering the Human Resource department to act on complaints fearlessly. 

Dr. AL Sharada: Flirting among colleagues is a nuanced and potentially sensitive aspect of workplace interactions. When light-hearted and consensual, it can create a more relaxed atmosphere. Harmless banter may be appreciated by both parties. However, it is crucial to gauge the comfort level of the other person before engaging in flirtatious behaviour, as not everyone shares the same interpretation or comfort with such interactions.

Workplaces should prioritise professionalism, equality, and respect. Flirtation can blur these lines and should be approached cautiously. Inappropriate flirtation can lead to misunderstandings or discomfort, potentially affecting team dynamics and productivity. When flirtation occurs between a manager and a subordinate, it not only becomes undesirable but may also lead to perceptions or allegations of favouritism or harassment, undermining the work environment.

Should physical contact be avoided as the norm?    

Roopa Badrinath: Physical contact at workplaces in the form of culturally acceptable greetings such as handshakes should be fine only if the parties involved are okay with it.  The workplace is a professional environment where personal boundaries vary greatly across individuals. Respecting personal space helps avoid any misunderstandings that could make someone uncomfortable. The platinum rule should be that while certain types of contacts like handshakes, hugs and pats on the back are customary, they should be non-intrusive and should not persist if someone shows discomfort.  It is also very important to appreciate that drawing boundaries on personal spaces at workplaces is an individual’s right and should not be judged.  If companies create a culture where employees feel psychologically safe to express their discomfort, a situation like this will not arise – where a woman felt cornered to comply with a toxic situation of a flirtatious leader. 

Dr. AL Sharada: While guidelines can address behaviours that may be offensive, creating strict rules around flirtation is challenging, as it often occurs between colleagues who share a certain level of comfort. However, if flirtation involves an unwilling participant or escalates into harassment, peers, teammates, and management must call out the behaviour. If it persists, action should be taken according to the organisation's Sexual Harassment in the Workplace (SHWP) policies.

Since flirtation falls within the realm of informal interactions, team members and leaders must remain aware of such behaviours and work to foster a culture with zero tolerance for harmful conduct. Management can lead by example by modelling professional behaviour and consistently enforcing rules.

There is a view that physical contact in the form of non-sexual positive strokes are important among team members. Comment.

Roopa Badrinath: Positive physical gestures, such as a friendly handshake, hug or a pat on the back, can foster camaraderie in a team. However, it is crucial that these interactions are consensual, professional, and culturally appropriate. Even if intended to be friendly, gestures that involve physical contact can be misunderstood, particularly in diverse teams where personal boundaries may differ. To mitigate risks, the focus can be on verbal appreciation and non-physical expressions of support unless there is clear comfort and understanding of acceptable behaviours within the team.

Dr. AL Sharada: As a general rule, physical contact should be avoided, especially in professional settings where personal boundaries differ. What one person views as a friendly gesture might be seen as intrusive or inappropriate by another.

That said, some workplaces may allow certain forms of physical contact, such as handshakes or high-fives, as long as they are clearly non-invasive and mutually acceptable. Employees should always be mindful of personal boundaries.

Non-sexual positive gestures, such as a pat on the back or a side hug, can build camaraderie and support a positive work environment when done appropriately and with mutual consent. However, care must be taken to ensure that these gestures do not cause discomfort or violate personal boundaries.

A clear distinction should be made between gestures that contribute to a positive work culture and those that cross personal or professional lines.

The subject seems to have felt the need to blend in. What could she have done without jeopardising her job?

Roopa Badrinath: The pressure to belong and blend in can be strong, especially for new employees. While I am not a major advocate of transferring the responsibility onto the woman to navigate through a treacherous workplace environment, I would recommend the following steps to all employees, irrespective of their gender.  

• Set boundaries early: While she may have felt the need to participate in the workplace culture, establishing personal boundaries without being confrontational could have helped. Simple but firm responses such as, ‘I am not comfortable with this’ or redirecting conversations back to work could signal her discomfort.

• Seek support: Finding a trusted colleague or manager to confide in about the situation might have helped. If there was an HR or internal complaints mechanism in place, she could have sought advice without immediately filing a formal complaint.

• Document her experience: Keeping track of incidents could have protected her in the future if the behaviour escalated, providing a solid case if she needed to escalate it to HR or file a complaint later.

Dr. AL Sharada: In workplaces with a dominant culture of informality, including physical contact or flirtatious behaviour, a newcomer may feel pressured to conform to keep up the job  or fear being labelled conservative. In such cases, it’s important to set boundaries early on by clearly expressing a preference for strictly professional interactions.

If an uncomfortable situation arises, it should be reported to human resources or another appropriate authority to document the behaviour in case it escalates. Seeking support from colleagues who share similar concerns can help create a united front against inappropriate behaviour. Additionally, engaging with workplace mentors or senior women can provide guidance on navigating such situations. Humour can sometimes be an effective tool for setting boundaries without offending. 

The male colleagues either turned a blind eye and some tried to emulate the boss' flirty behaviour. Did the organisation fail in terms of work culture?   

Roopa Badrinath: Men have a bro-code, which is an unwritten set of rules that encourages them to stay silent or even normalise inappropriate behaviour. The men in this case were just following the bro-code.  By turning a blind eye or emulating the boss' behaviour, the male colleagues were complicit in perpetuating a toxic environment. This kind of culture fosters a lack of accountability, where inappropriate actions go unchallenged, reinforcing power imbalances and gender-based harassment.

The organisation has definitely failed in terms of work culture. The behaviour described indicates that the company probably tolerated a toxic or sexist work environment. When inappropriate behaviour is normalised to the point that some employees feel that they must conform or face ostracisation, the organisation has clearly failed to uphold a professional, respectful atmosphere.

 A workplace where men feel bound by the ‘bro-code’ to protect or imitate such behaviour highlights deep-rooted systemic issues. The organisation's failure stems from not setting clear expectations for respectful behaviour, which allowed unprofessional conduct to become normalised. Additionally, they possibly lacked the training or policies to encourage upstander intervention, where employees regardless of gender are empowered to speak up against inappropriate behaviour.  

Dr. AL Sharada: If seniors or role models in the organisation engage in flirtatious behaviour without consequences, others may mimic their actions, fostering a toxic work culture. This reflects a failure by the organisation to promote a healthy work environment. By allowing a leader’s flirty behavior to go unchecked, the organisation implicitly condones it, leading to:

1. Normalisation of unprofessional conduct.
2. A hierarchical power dynamic where employees feel compelled to tolerate or emulate inappropriate behaviour to fit in or gain favour.
3. A work environment where employees do not feel safe speaking up or challenging inappropriate conduct, leading to a toxic atmosphere.

The organisation should have policies and processes in place to address and correct such behaviour early on.

She was not forced to resign but she felt the need to, after rejecting the boss' advances, though her "no" was respected. Was she right in resigning?

Roopa Badrinath: The fact that she felt compelled to resign suggests the organisation had a deeper cultural problem that made her feel unsafe or unsupported. You instinctively know when the environment around you is not supportive. Her decision to resign was likely a response to the broader work culture, where inappropriate behaviour was normalised, and reporting it could jeopardise her career.

Was she right? From a personal perspective, if she felt that her mental well-being and professional integrity were compromised, then resignation might have been her best option to protect herself. However, it’s unfortunate that she was in a position where she felt she had to leave, indicating a failure on the organisation's part to provide her with sufficient support and safety mechanisms.

This situation illustrates a broader issue of systemic gender dynamics in the workplace, where inappropriate behaviour, even if subtle, can have a lasting impact on individuals’ and overall work culture. The organisation must take a strong stance to ensure that these incidents do not recur.

Dr. AL Sharada: While it is positive that the boss respected her “no,” her resignation points to a deeper issue with the organisation's culture. If she felt compelled to leave because of the environment, it suggests the workplace failed to create a space where she felt comfortable and safe.

Also read: 

#WeTwo: 'He was way senior. I was silenced. He is still there.'

#WeTwo: “These are opportunities to uphold positive culture, compassion and moral intelligence”

#WeTwo: My boss asked me if I would be comfortable sharing his room…In the second 

#WeTwo: Asking a subordinate to share a room is misuse of power dynamics

Have a submission to share? We, together, need to speak up for equal workplaces. Write in to: wetwo@bestmediainfo.com. 

About #WeTwo

• #WeTwo will not name the survivor or accused, or their organisations, without the written permission of the survivor. 

• Where individuals / organisations are named, we will invite all sides of the story – survivor, accused and that of the organisation.

• We will not shame the survivors or assume guilt.

• We will attempt to verify claims made through multiple sources. Cases that are deemed plausible / commonplace will take precedence, guided by a panel of women professionals and industry leaders.

• #WeTwo will be gender-agnostic and speak up for all sides, including alleged cases of "false sexual harassment complaints" that cost career growth. 

• #WeTwo will also guide survivors or organisations that seek help towards professionals for psychological / legal / HR counsel.

• #WeTwo is a BestMediaInfo initiative, conceptualised in partnership with independent content consultant Gokul Krishnamoorthy.